


Stay (Victuuri)

by BaileyJayne



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Cheating, Established Relationship, Gay, IDEK where this is going, Kinda smut but not really, M/M, Tags for days, Yuuri's POV, chris is a bit weird, cute victor, i don't know anything about skating I only watched it at the olympics, i hope this isn't insulting, iceskating, my true feeling of chris, nervous yuuri, not really cheating but yuuri worries, otayuri is great, post episode 12, they do the deed but it's not detailed, victuuri is still struggling but they'll win, what does additional tags mean?, who even reads tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2017-09-25
Packaged: 2019-01-04 22:44:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12177957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BaileyJayne/pseuds/BaileyJayne
Summary: Yuuri's Pov.I watched as Victor amazed the audience once again, his moves enticed everyone. I couldn’t help the bitter taste forming in my mouth as I watched him. He was so open with everybody, putting himself out there and not being afraid to conceal how he really felt. It made me jealous to see that he wasn’t savouring his most vulnerable moments for the late night talks we would have or the Sunday afternoon conversations we would share, cuddled up on the couch with Makkachin at our feet.Victor’s passionate performance brought everyone to their feet and yet I couldn’t move. My body couldn’t shift no matter how hard I wanted it to. My eyes finally met Victor’s as he walked towards where I was seated. There was an undeniable tension between us and I hated it. The enormous applause from the audience masked that tension slightly but looking at him still made my stomach tense. However, I wanted nothing more than to stay in his arms and kiss him forever, that’s where I felt safe.





	1. Chapter 1

Yuuri’s Pov.

Just look at you.  
You look unreachable out there.  
Nobody can come near you.  
You’re perfect…

And then there’s me.  
I’m just wasting your time,  
clipping your wings,  
preventing you from being free.

Yet, you choose to stay here…  
With me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
I watched as Victor amazed the audience once again, his moves enticed everyone. I couldn’t help the bitter taste forming in my mouth as I watched him. He was so open with everybody, putting himself out there and not being afraid to conceal how he really felt. It made me jealous to see that he wasn’t savouring his most vulnerable moments for the late night talks we would have or the Sunday afternoon conversations we would share, cuddled up on the couch with Makkachin at our feet. 

Victor’s passionate performance brought everyone to their feet and yet I couldn’t move. My body couldn’t shift no matter how hard I wanted it to. My eyes finally met Victor’s as he walked towards where I was seated. There was an undeniable tension between us and I hated it. The enormous applause from the audience masked that tension slightly but looking at him still made my stomach tense. However, I wanted nothing more than to stay in his arms and kiss him forever, that’s where I felt safe. 

He looked at me sadly, sat down and placed his hands on my waist, this gesture made me feel slightly more at ease despite the fact it lacked the romantic flare it used to have. I noticed that he was uncomfortable too so I put my hands on his shoulders and massaged them gently. I saw him relax a little while I kept my hands on his shoulders, this comforted me to a certain extent. I didn’t want anyone to talk, I needed for him to keep his hands on my waist and I needed to keep my hands on his shoulders otherwise I thought I was going to vomit.  
“Yuuri...” Victor began.

“Please don’t say anything Victor, just hold me,” I breathed, my chest feeling heavy as I said every word.

His arms tightened around my waist as I moved myself closer to him. I removed my hands from his shoulders and wrapped my arms around his neck. Slowly, I placed my forehead against his and I didn’t care how peculiar we looked to everybody right now, I needed to be as close to him as possible. His long fingers began tracing circles on the bottom of my back and I could feel myself becoming closer to tears as he did so. 

After several minutes, Victor pulled back and I, reluctantly, let him go. That was the most painful embrace I had ever went through and yet I wanted more.

I glanced at Victor and saw that he was taking his skates off. He could even make this look elegant. I wondered why he was taking his skates off if we were doing a paired skate later but then the realisation hit me. We weren’t doing the paired skate. 

I blinked back a few tears, why was I so weak? I couldn’t even stop myself from wanting to cry because Victor and I weren’t skating together.  
“You’re up soon Yuuri,” Victor’s voice was soft and filled with emotion, filled with an emotion I couldn’t determine.

“Please kiss me,” I whispered so quietly that I wasn’t sure even Victor had heard me. 

I felt pathetic. Asking him to kiss me was pitiful. My heart was beating so loud I felt as though everyone could hear it. I closed my eyes and took a breath. I was being stupid, really stupid.

Suddenly, I felt a pair of lips attach onto my own. In that moment, I had to stop myself from pulling away and turning into a sobbing mess on the floor. There was no love in his kiss, just desperation. I had craved his kiss, it was addictive even though it wasn’t loving anymore. I knew I had to get ready soon so I returned the kiss with all the love that remained in my body. He pulled away first, again, and turned away from me so I forced myself to stand up.

My head was spinning as I prepared myself to perform, it wasn’t as though this performance had to be the best because we weren’t competing anyway. Victor wanted a more relaxed return to skating so he arranged a ‘performance night’ were all the skaters who had taken part in the Grand Prix Final would do their free skating routines for entertainment purposes and not competitive. Victor would open the evening followed by Otabek, me, Chris, Yurio, Phichit and then JJ. Victor and I also planned a paired routine to close the night but we weren’t doing that anymore.

The minute the paparazzi knew anything about this ‘performance night’ television stations were sending people out to find out when it was so they could be the only ones who could televise it.

‘Nobody can miss Russia’s Victor Nikiforov return to skating after Yuuri Katsuki selfishly snatched him from the sport for an entire season.’  
I could see more hate mail coming my way.

I let out a breath I didn’t realise I was holding and I closed my eyes and counted to ten, I remembered reading that it calmed people down and wanted to try it out for myself. It didn’t do anything. In fact, in that moment, I felt more nervous than I was for the Grand Prix. 

The sound of the commentator announcing that it was my turn to skate snapped me back into reality and my stomach turned for what felt like the hundredth time. My eyes shifted to Victor, momentarily, and he gave me a small smile, I wanted to return one but I just nodded instead. 

I looked away from Victor for a moment to try and gain confidence. It's still something I struggled with even though Victor was there.  
By the time I looked back at Victor he was already talking to Chris, laughing and being unintentionally flirty. So much for never take your eyes off me.

His whole aura was beautiful and I knew I would never be good enough for him no matter how hard I tried. I knew that but I tried so hard to push those thoughts away. However, there was a time where I thought maybe we could be happy together but the truth is that we weren't in the same league, he was a God and I was just Yuuri Katsuki, amateur figure skater.

Soon after, thoughts of Victor being unfaithful filled my mind and I felt my blood run cold. What if he was cheating on me? It wouldn't be very surprising, it was not like I was anything special. Who would he cheat on me with? Would it be someone I knew? Chris? JJ? Otabek? No, Otabek wouldn’t do that to Yurio. Or would it be someone I didn’t know, someone that he had met during one of his night outs that he didn’t tell me about until he came back at four in the morning? The thought made me want to throw up everywhere because I was afraid that it was the truth. The truth was something I wanted to avoid like it was the plague because it was one of my worst fears; it’s one of those things that can’t be avoided forever because it will hunt you down and tear you apart bit by bit until there’s nothing left of you. 

All of a sudden, my brain couldn’t process anything, I couldn’t comprehend a thing, not even my own thoughts. My vision became cloudy and I needed to get away immediately. I needed Victor. I needed his touch, his scent, his arms tightly wrapped around my waist and his voice whispering words of reassurance into my ears softly. These were the only things that could pull me through moments like this, he was the only thing that could pull me through them. I relied on him so much and I didn’t want to admit it, I was constantly asking him for everything.

I was weak.  
Weaker than I wanted to acknowledge.  
“Victor,” I mumbled.

My breath fell short and I was panting heavily while clinging on to the side of the rink like my life depended on it. I needed Victor, I needed him to help me get through this like he normally does.  
“Please...I need help.”

I couldn’t breathe and I knew I was going to blackout at any moment but I tried to hold on until Victor was at my side.  
“V...Victor, please,” I stuttered. 

My feet gave way below me and I slid onto the cold floor of the rink. I felt like I was being stabbed in the chest by a thousand knives. I pictured Victor’s face in my head, smiling, laughing and even when he was crying. To me he was the most beautiful person in the world and I couldn’t express how much I loved him. 

A moment later, I felt a presence beside me but I didn’t have the strength to see who it was.  
“Yuuri, I’m here.” 

I used the last of my strength to open my eyes. Victor bent down next to me and picked me up into his arms. He was warm and I wanted to move my head further into his chest but I couldn’t. I wasn’t strong enough, mentally or physically to do that. Instead, I slipped in and out of consciousness in his arms until the it became harder and harder to stay awake.  
“Victor…” I whispered one more time.

“It’s okay Yuuri, you can let go. I’m here, I’ll protect you from anything.” 

Victor’s words brought a tear to my eye as I tried, unsuccessfully, to fight the exhaustion that was destined to wash over me at any second.  
“I love you Victor…” I said as I felt the darkness consume me.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri's Pov.
> 
> When I woke up, I was surrounded by the white cotton sheets of mine and Victor’s hotel room. The light seeped in through the blinds, giving the room a satisfying morning glow.  
> The feeling was heavenly but there was something preventing me from feeling whole. Slowly, I turned my head and saw that I was alone. Victor hadn’t stayed with me, like usual. I tried so hard to ignore that fact that Victor barely ever slept by my side anymore or the fact we weren’t intimate anymore. Every time I suggested doing something partially sexual he would say he wasn’t in the mood or that he was tired. I can’t the count the times I cried myself to sleep because Victor had rejected me. It ate away at me until I, eventually, stopped asking.
> 
> Sometimes, I craved it and I couldn’t understand how Victor could go so long without intimacy. Maybe he wasn’t attracted to me in that way anymore. My heart dropped when I thought about that. Everything lead back to the thought of Victor cheating on me and that was when the fear kicked in. 
> 
> Was that where he was now?  
> Didn’t he love me?  
> Wasn’t I good enough?

Yuuri’s Pov.

When I woke up, I was surrounded by the white cotton sheets of mine and Victor’s hotel room. The light seeped in through the blinds, giving the room a satisfying morning glow.  
The feeling was heavenly but there was something preventing me from feeling whole. Slowly, I turned my head and saw that I was alone. Victor hadn’t stayed with me, like usual. I tried so hard to ignore that fact that Victor barely ever slept by my side anymore or the fact we weren’t intimate anymore. Every time I suggested doing something partially sexual he would say he wasn’t in the mood or that he was tired. I can’t the count the times I cried myself to sleep because Victor had rejected me. It ate away at me until I, eventually, stopped asking.

Sometimes, I craved it and I couldn’t understand how Victor could go so long without intimacy. Maybe he wasn’t attracted to me in that way anymore. My heart dropped when I thought about that. Everything lead back to the thought of Victor cheating on me and that was when the fear kicked in.

Was that where he was now?  
Didn’t he love me?  
Wasn’t I good enough?

Suddenly, I felt the urge to throw up so I sprinted to the bathroom and sat on the floor by the toilet.  
“Victor, why don’t you love me?” I screamed into my hands.

Tears streamed like a waterfall down my cheeks as I felt the bile rise up in my throat. I threw up into the toilet and I kept crying, the feeling of failure was unbearable. The only thing I could think about was Victor kissing somebody else, touching somebody else and loving somebody else. Victor was someone I wanted to hold onto forever, I didn’t think about that fact that he might not want to hold onto me for that long. The loneliness I was feeling at that moment was something I never wanted to go through again.  
“I love you so much yet you treat me the way you do!” I yelled.

With trembling legs, I stood up and looked into the bathroom mirror. Who was I? I had turned into a shell of a person. Dark purple bags under my red eyes, skin paler than I remember, tears mixed with sweat sticking my hair to my face.

“I hate you so much,” I shouted into the mirror.

“I hate you, I truly hate you,” I seethed.

“I wish I never would’ve met you.”

I picked up one of Victor’s colognes off the basin and I threw it at my reflection, shattering the bathroom mirror and the cologne bottle at the same time. Anger pulsed through me like an unstoppable force, I couldn’t control it and it was going to take over my body if I didn’t do something.  
“Stop, I’m scared!”

“I won’t let you win.”

“Someone will help me.”

“They have to.”

My breathing slowed down gradually and I looked around the destroyed bathroom. What had I done? I fell to my knees and picked up a piece of the broken mirror.  
“What have I done? Who am I? I’m a monster.” I cried.

I held my breath to try and control the tears that I failed to hold back. Nobody could help me now, I was beyond help and I was terrified of that. The piece of mirror I picked up had slipped from my fingers and I cut my hand with it. I hissed from the pain.  
“Yuuri? Are you awake? I brought you breakfast,” Victor’s voice flooded the hotel room and I began shaking.

I tried to make my sobs as quiet as possible to try and stop him from hearing them.  
“Are you in the bathroom Yuuri?” He questioned.

I began panicking, he’s going to get mad.

I backed up against the wall, away from the pieces of broken glass and mirror. My blood dripped onto the floor from the cut.  
“Darling, are you okay?” Victor asked.

“Please talk to me Yuuri,” his voice became quiet almost like he was debating on whether he should give up.

“Help me Victor, please, please, help me!” I finally gave in and sobbed.

He immediately ran into the bathroom and his face fell when we made eye contact. I could barely look at him, I was ashamed of who I had become. I knew that I had mental weaknesses but I didn’t realise that they could get this bad.  
“Yuuri, what happened?” Victor said, breathlessly.

I bit my lip and looked at him, embarrassed.  
“I...I got mad at myself and I threw your cologne bottle at the mirror to try and get rid of my reflection,” I admitted.

“Yuuri, you’re so beautiful, there’s no need for you to try and hide yourself. God, I think you’re the most gorgeous person in the world. There’s no one who is even partially as beautiful as you are,” he stated.

I stared at him, wide-eyed, for a moment. I wanted to throw myself into his arms and make him never let go but now really wasn’t the time. I looked him up and down, he was wearing a white shirt and black skinny jeans, a little formal for going to get breakfast if you ask me. Had he been somewhere? No, he hadn’t, I couldn’t think that way.  
“I’m so sorry Victor, I’ve failed you. I understand if you want to leave me, I’d leave me too. I’m not good enough for anybody. You know, you shouldn’t have to go, I’ll leave. I’ll book a flight back to Japan later. Can you please help get my suitcase ready for me?” I muttered.

“Why would I want you to leave Yuuri? I love you,” he replied.

"You’re just saying that because you pity me Victor,” I said, quietly.

“No, Yuuri. I’m saying that because I am so in love with you that I can’t comprehend it. You make me feel alive again, you make me happy, you make me feel like I am wanted. I don’t know how to make that any more clear. My love for you is something that I can’t put into words. It’s one of the only things that makes me want to live anymore. I think you’re cute, beautiful and so sexy. It’s past the point of me wanting you, Yuuri. I need you to survive. I don’t know what I’d do without you, you’re like oxygen to me.” Victor explained.

More tears slipped out of my eyes as I looked up at him, becoming more ashamed of who I was.  
“I’m sorry. I just wish that you could see how perfect you are Yuuri,” he answered.

I moved away from the corner and walked towards Victor, I stopped just before I reached him.  
“If you think I’m so perfect why don’t we have sex anymore?” I said, questioningly.

“Is that what you’re upset about Yuuri?” Victor answered.

“No, it’s more than that. It is a part of it though, you always say that you’re not in mood or you’re tired so I began to think that you didn’t find me attractive anymore.” I confessed.

“Oh Yuuri, I can barely control myself when I’m around you.”

He walked the remaining distance towards me and grabbed my hands. My heart sped up and I looked at him hopefully. Would something good happen today? His eyes moved to the cut on my hand and they filled with worry, I looked away from him again and bit my tongue to try and hide the embarrassment on my face. Well, I’d just ruined my chances of a good day.  
“You’re hurt, let’s clean you up,” he said.

I nodded lightly. Victor’s lips placed kisses around the area that was cut as we walked to a space around the basin where the floor wasn’t covered in glass. He opened the cupboard above the sink and got out a washcloth. Momentarily, he let go of my hand to turn the tap on.  
“Sit on the edge of the bath please Yuuri,” Victor ordered softly.

Without a word, I did as he said.

I stared at him, again, during the time our hands weren’t touching. He really was perfect. His sculpted jawline, perfect plump lips and the way he furrowed his brow when he was concentrating were just a few of the things I adored about Victor. No one came close to how amazing he was, he was truly a gift from the heavens. A fallen angel that’s trying to find his way back to heaven where he belongs.  
“Pass me your hand please,” he said.

“Okay,” I responded as I placed my hand in his for the second time today.

Carefully, he picked up the cloth and began cleaning up the small wound. I winced a little initially but I looked up at Victor’s face the worst part of the pain seemed to slip away.  
“Do we have any band-aids Yuuri?” Victor asked.

“Check the top shelf of the cupboard Vitya,” I murmured.

“I love it when you call me that,” he laughed.

He checked the top shelf of the cupboard and found a box of band-aids, his slim fingers opened the box and he took one from the packet. Cautiously, he placed the band-aid over my cut and placed one more kiss over it.  
“Thank you.” I smiled.

“You’re welcome,” he said in response.

Victor moved his hand to the bottom of my chin and tilted my head up until I was completely looking at him. Looking at him still made me breathless. Slowly, he moved his head closer to mine until our lips were only millimetres away from each other’s. I moved my head up a little so our lips touched and the second they did, the world fell away. It was only me and Victor.

I moved my arms until they were around Victor’s neck and I pulled myself closer to him. He slipped his tongue into my mouth and I moaned into the kiss when he did so.  
“I smell like sick Victor, can I clean myself up first please?” I smiled.

“Yuuri, I couldn’t care less about that,” he replied.  
His tongue slipped back into my mouth and the kiss was becoming more and more heated each second. He removed his mouth from mine and began leaving open-mouthed kisses across my jaw and down my neck. The gentle kisses became less gentle and more passionate and I bit my lip due to how pleasurable this was. It was stupid that I was getting so turned on by Victor’s kisses but because it was the first time we had done anything this intimate for a while, I couldn’t help it.  
“Vitya, more please,” I moaned.

He bit down on a particularly sensitive part of my neck so my moans became louder while he was biting and sucking on that spot. To soothe the sore area, he began licking over the bite. He smirked as he was doing this because he knew that this was an extremely sensitive spot for me.  
“Ahh, yes, it feels so good.”

The pleasure was overwhelming and I wanted more, the sound of Victor’s groans turned me on immensely. I could feel my member becoming harder with every stroke of his tongue.  
“Can we go into the bedroom please?” I panted.

“Of course darling,” he replied.

I hooked my legs around his waist and he carried me into the bedroom and lowered me onto the bed carefully. Victor brought his lips back up to my own and I greedily forced them open with my tongue. I moved my hands into his silver hair and pulled at it lightly. The noise he made when I did this was one of the most amazing sounds I had ever heard, a low moan that sounded like it came from deep in his chest was the angelic sound.

My hands moved to his shoulders, and then I began pulling on the fabric of his shirt. I wanted to touch him properly, skin to skin contact, it felt more special that way. It felt like it actually meant something to both of us. We hadn’t done something like this for a few months so I wanted it to be as special as possible.  
Had Victor done this with someone else?  
Had he whispered sweet nothings into the ears of another person while he ran his long fingers up and down their body?  
Had Victor led somebody else to their climax or had Victor laid underneath someone as they had their way with him?

No, in that moment, Victor and I seemed like the only people in the world and nobody else mattered. With his mouth on my skin and my hands gripping his shirt tighter, there was no one else who meant anything to us apart from each other. He was my drug and I craved more.  
“Take this off please, Vitya,” I moaned breathlessly while pulling at his shirt one final time.

Swiftly, Victor’s hands were off my body and he began teasing me, undoing each button agonisingly slow.  
“Please take it off faster, I need to touch you,” I pleaded.

Moments later, his shirt was off and he was kissing my neck again. My hands touched the bare skin of his chest and I couldn’t get enough, I wanted to touch him like this for an eternity. His skin was smooth and soft, it felt better than I remembered.  
His hands reached for the hem of my t-shirt and he started pulling it off. I felt a little bit insecure but I pushed those feelings aside, it was not the time for insecurity to take over. I moved my arms so my t-shirt could be removed and Victor threw it to the other side of the room. Victor pressed his knee into my crotch making me moan even louder.  
“God, you’re so gorgeous,” Victor breathed.

I blushed bright red at his words and l reached out for Victor, my arms wrapping around his back. His head moved further down my body until he found my right nipple. His tongue began licking at this area and I curled my toes into the mattress. One of his hands found its way to the bulge in my pyjama pants and he cupped it and began squeezing it. That feeling was like no other, I, Yuuri Katsuki, had the one and only Victor Nikiforov touching me, it was something I couldn’t understand.  
“Oh My God, Vitya! Yes, that feels amazing. Don’t stop!” I screamed in pleasure.

He chuckled at my reaction and his other hand played with my left nipple, twisting it and rubbing it beneath his fingers. He removed his mouth from the area he was focused on previously and he moved the other side and began doing the same again. Victor’s other hand was still touching my crotch and I needed him to do something else or I was going to come after hardly being touched.

Next, his mouth moved lower down my torso and he left small purple bruises all the way down my body. He removed his hand from my erection which caused me to whimper from loss of contact.  
“It’s okay Yuuri, I will touch you again,” he said reassuringly.

My member was throbbing at this point and in need of being touched so I, involuntarily, bucked my hips up to try and gain some kind of friction. I groaned when I felt Victor’s hand pushing my hips back down.  
“Naughty Yuuri, getting impatient. Good things come to those who wait.” He said with a smirk when his mouth met the skin beneath my belly button.

I shivered at his tone of voice, it was unbelievably sexy. My hands attached themselves back into his soft hair and I massaged his scalp with my fingers.  
He moaned as his head found the waistband of my pyjama pants and he started pulling them off with his teeth. I tilted my head to watch him and the sight alone made my member get impossibly harder.

His face was flushed his forehead was slightly sweaty and he was the most beautiful person I had ever seen. Even when I would look at him while we were watching T.V. and he would smile when his favourite character came on the screen or frown when someone he didn’t like appeared he was perfect. He was someone who could make you happy just because he was happy. You could be feeling crap and he would come into your day with a smile on his face and you would instantly feel partially better.  
“You’re so beautiful Victor, why do you wanna be with someone as ugly as me? I’m not good enough for you, you deserve someone who can make you feel as good as you make me feel. I can never fully satisfy you, I get it.”  
That was the moment where I messed up, I really shouldn’t have said that because the second I did, Victor pulled away from me and sat up.

My eyes went wide and then filled with regret as I looked at a disappointed Victor. Tears threatened to spill as I realised that I had ruined my chance to have sex with him again for the first time months. I didn’t think I had said enough to make him stop completely but, apparently, I had.  
“Victor, no, I didn’t mean that. I mean, I meant it but I didn’t mean to say it now. Can we just continue with what we were doing please?” I stuttered.

“Forget it Yuuri, I’ve made plans with Chris today anyway. I’ll have to get ready soon. We’ll need to call the front desk to clean up the mess in the bathroom.” Victor sighed as he picked up the phone from the bedside table.

I rolled over to the opposite side of the bed to Victor and wrapped my arms around my shoulders to try and comfort myself after my stupid mistake. I was extremely cold all of a sudden and craved Victor’s arms around me and his soft voice telling me everything was going to be okay.

“Hello, could I get a cleaner sent my room please? There has been a small accident. Yes, I will explain what happened, my fiance accidentally smashed the bathroom mirror and there is glass on the floor… Yes, I do understand that we will have to pay for the damage, that’s okay. Thank you very much.” Victor said into the phone.

I couldn’t cry in front of Victor again, I had already done it once today and I understood that he was tired of me being weak in front of him. I turned my head to look at him for a moment, he was picking his coat up off the chair in the corner of the room. He was leaving me again. He placed his coat on the bed and walked over to the closet. Victor pulled out a pair of dark blue skinny jeans and a black dress shirt, he folded them and placed them beside his coat. He then went back over to the closet and got out a grey t-shirt and pulled it over his head. Temporarily, he disappeared into the bathroom and came back out with his towel and deodorant.  
“I’m going to Chris’s room to get a shower because I obviously can’t get one in here. I probably won’t be back until later,” he said emotionlessly.

“Don’t leave me, please. I’m sorry.” I whispered, my voice almost inaudible. However, Victor did not hear me because he had already left the room before I said anything.

“I’m so sorry Victor, so so sorry. I love you so much. Please forgive me.”

My voice was muffled as I sobbed into the pillow. I knew he was falling out of love with me and there was nothing I could do. We were slowly falling apart and I was letting it. I watched as the world around me was crumbling. It was pathetic really, I should’ve tried my very best to keep our relationship steady but nothing motivated me to do so. My love for Victor was something that would never leave, even if it was just idolisation as it used to be. Somehow, I always knew that he would be the one to give up first. I was too much to put up with, he didn’t know how much of a burden becoming my coach would be in the first place. He probably thought that I would throw myself at him and follow his every word. He certainly didn’t think that I would be so much trouble. He thought that I was an adult and adults can control their emotions.

A sudden feeling of fatigue swooped over me and I felt the need to sleep again. I closed my eyes tight and wished that I would wake up and Victor would be here with me, my head on his chest as I listened to his heartbeat. I missed waking up that way. His heartbeat was confirmation that he was really there and it made me feel extremely special because I could hear it for myself. Thoughts of those moments filled my head and I bit my lip until it began to hurt. In all honesty, I deserved the pain, I was pitying myself and it made me seem really self-centred and I wasn’t like that at all. If anything, I tried to conceal how I felt but when I was around Victor, I became an emotional wreck. He had this power over me that would make me tell him how I felt even if I didn’t feel anything particularly obscure that day, it was like he knew me better than I knew myself.

He was so sexy, everything about him. However, I found his neck and chest to be particularly special. The curve of his Adam’s apple, his collar bones and smooth, toned chest, they really drove me crazy. He oozed sex appeal (much like Chris) and that really did make me wonder why I had the effect on him that I did. I often day dreamed about Victor, he was always on my mind. It was either about his beautiful body, amazing personality or questions that I wished I could ask him but never would because I was a coward. I never understood what he saw in me, he was the definition of sex appeal and I was a socially awkward, anxious 24 year old.

I tried, in vain, to picture Victor next to me in the bed. In the end, I rolled over to his side of the bed and snuggled into the pillow, taking what was left of his scent and pretending that it was him. This was considerably more comforting than completely using my imagination but it felt like nothing compared to the real thing.

“I miss you Victor...” I sniffled, as a wallowed in a bundle of self pity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We almost had smut... Sorry. It'll be soon. Thank you for reading <3


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor’s hands held onto my hips tightly as he crawled on top of me biting his lip. “I love you Yuuri,” he said just before he laid me down on the soft mattress.

Yuuri's Pov

_Victor’s hands held onto my hips tightly as he crawled on top of me biting his lip. “I love you Yuuri,” he said just before he laid me down on the soft mattress._ _“I love you more Vitya,” I replied._ _“Do you know what you calling me that name does to me Yuuri?” he asked. “What does it do to you Vitya?” I smiled innocently. “I’ll show you what it does to me darling,” Victor brushed his lips against mine before backing away slightly. “You can’t do that to me,” I frowned, wanting him to kiss me properly. “Do what?” He questioned, faking cluelessness. “Please Vitya. Please,” I begged, my face turning pink as I looked at him. “Look what I do to you. Making you all needy. I could get used to this version of you Yuuri. You might have to be like this all the time.” Victor smirked. I blushed even more, embarrassed because of his comments. “Stop teasing me, it’s embarrassing,” I muttered, hiding my face in my hands. “Don’t hide yourself Yuuri, you’re gorgeous,” he ran his hands up and down my torso slowly, this gesture made me feel less embarrassed so I removed my hands from my face and grabbed Victor’s. “Kiss me Vitya.” I ordered, suddenly feeling more confident. “Who said you could take charge Yuuri?” He said, questioningly. “I did. Now kiss me,” I said, getting impatient._

I woke up for the second time today, this time sadness swooped over me the second I opened my eyes. I hated waking up without Victor. I buried my head into my pillow, tears building up in my eyes again. I was surprised that I wasn’t dehydrated due to all the crying I had done. I looked out of the window and noticed that it was raining. Perfect. Awful weather to match my awful mood.

“Now Victor’s going to leave me and I’ll have to go back to Hasetsu without him and everyone will realise how much of a disappointment I am,” I murmured almost silently. A knock on the door snapped me out of my thoughts. I shot up and picked up my t-shirt off the floor and put it back on. “Come in.” I yelled, my voice cracking.

A petite elderly lady entered the room with a trolley of cleaning supplies. Her hair was white and tied up in a bun on top of her head and her smile was friendly and strangely comforting. I found myself staring at her for several seconds before she spoke. “Hello dear, I’ve come to clean your bathroom, I heard that your fiance broke the mirror,” she said calmly, her voice was soft like clouds and there was something extremely motherly about the way she spoke. “I am the fiance that broke the mirror,” I replied quietly, not taking my chances with speaking too loud in case my voice broke again. “Oh deary, whatever is the matter?” The lady asked.

I knew that my relationship was none of her business but I, quickly, made the decision to pour my heart out to the elderly lady who only came to clean the bathroom and ended up listening to all my problems. She wasn’t important enough in my life for her judgements to do anything so I didn’t care too much for her response, I just needed to talk about how I felt.

“I’m frightened. I’m frightened about the fact I don’t feel like I’m good enough for my fiance. He barely shows his love anymore and he constantly turns down sex. Even just before he walked out on me because I’m insecure about my appearance. Just because he is the literal definition of beauty doesn’t mean he should walk out on others when they are feeling down about how they look. I’m petrified that the reality could be that he’s cheating on me, I don’t know what I would do if that was the truth.” Tears were streaming out of my eyes by this point and I regretted sharing so much information with a stranger but I couldn’t hold it in any longer.

“In my day, people didn’t make love until after marriage, maybe he’s decided to be more traditional,” she replied, her voice sad. “I highly doubt it; he probably finds me repulsive. I think I am disgusting so I’m sure he does too,” I sighed and rubbed my eyes. The lady moved away from the trolley and came to sit down next to me. She placed her hand on my left shoulder and smiled sadly. “I’m certain that he thinks you’re the most beautiful person in the world. You’re his world. His sun rises and sets around you. Take it from an old woman like me, your heart is one in a million and anyone who is lucky enough to have it will never want to let it go.” She stated and I became teary-eyed again. “Thank you,” I smiled at the woman, genuinely this time, and she did the same.

“Now, I have a bathroom to clean up,” she laughed lightly. She stood up and pushed her trolley of supplies into the bathroom. “Tell me if you need any help.” I yelled in the direction of the bathroom. “I’ll be fine deary, you have enough on your mind,” she answered. I fell back onto the mattress and began thinking about what she had said. _Was I_ _really that special to Victor_? If I was that special he’d still be here with me and not in Chris’s room. Was he really only showering and going out? Or was something going on between them? Part of me knew something had gone on between them before and that scared me. I didn't want to assume anything, I trusted that Victor would tell me if they had dated or had a fling in the past. I was certain that Victor wasn’t the type of person to cheat but there were voices in my head constantly telling me that he was cheating on me because I wasn’t good enough for him.

My thoughts kept on repeating themselves, thoughts of not being good enough, thoughts of Victor cheating and then finally the thought of leaving. If I had packed my suitcase and booked a flight would Victor have cared? Would anybody have cared? But, of course, my devotion to Victor overpowered anything else I seemed to think about. It was like a part of me was wanting to get away but I physically couldn’t, I loved him too much to let go. Even if he was cheating on me, I still would’ve forgiven him without so much of a second thought. I wasn’t strong enough to hold a grudge against Victor, I needed him more than anything. I wasn’t going to leave, even if that meant being used repeatedly. He was the most addictive drug anyone could ever have, he always leaves you wanting more and when he’s not there you feel like there’s a part of you missing. My desire to leave seemed to fade away when I thought about the good times; the loving morning showers we used to take together, the failed baking attempts, the nights with my head resting on Victor’s chest as we would talk about everything. They were the moments were I thought that nothing was impossible, I thought that together, Victor and I were invincible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's such a short chapter <3


	4. Chapter 4

Yuuri’s Pov. 

“There we are, it looks like nothing has happened,” The old lady grinned as she admired her work.

“Thank you so much,” I said, my voice threatened to break again as I spoke.

“How much money do I owe for the repairs?” I asked quietly.

“Do not worry about any of that, as I’ve said before, you have enough to worry about. I’m sure everyone will understand,” she answered, her hand patted my shoulder lightly.

“Once again, thank you, I really appreciate it.” I uttered.

Moments later, the door opened revealing Victor, his back was turned as he closed the door and when he turned, I noticed that his hair and clothes were wet and he looked rather tired, I wanted to know why he looked like he hadn’t slept. It was odd to see Victor looking imperfect, I was so used to seeing him looking like a god that it was a surprise when he looked human. 

No words were exchanged between us and the air was thick as he looked at the old woman with a peculiar look on his face, his face then relaxed slightly when he realised who she was. Did Victor think that I was getting up to no good with someone who was old enough to be my Grandma, I certainly hope he didn’t?  
“You must be the cleaner, I am really sorry about Yuuri, he can be clumsy sometimes,” Victor breathed.

“Yeah, we all make mistakes, some bigger than others,” She smiled, sarcastically, and I bit my lip in order to suppress the urge to laugh a little as Victor’s face was filled with a look of confusion.

“I’ve done my job, nice meeting you dear, I must be on my way,” the lady chuckled, lightening the mood slightly.

I smiled back at her, my voice failing me as I attempted to say something. She pulled her trolley through the room, opened the door and left without another word.   
“Yuuri, I’m sorry…” Victor began.

“You don’t have to apologise,” I muttered.

“No, I do. I have something to tell you Yuuri. Try not to get too mad.” Victor’s voice was filled with regret and his eyes were full of sorrow.

My throat became painfully dry and my blood ran cold. I felt like I had just been punched right in the stomach. He was going to confess that he was cheating on me. He was going to leave me for this person. What was I going to do? I was nothing without Victor; I needed him. I loved him more than anything. My knees threatened to buckle beneath me and my eyes filled with tears as I looked up at him.  
“What?” I choked, even saying that word seemed too much.

“I planned on making reservations to treat you because you deserve it and I completely forgot. I showered in Chris’s room and I went to get coffee afterwards. It started raining while I was out and I forgot to make the reservations because I wanted to come back and apologise for being a complete asshole before and to get in from the rain,” he frowned.

I breathed a sigh of relief and it was like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I almost ran to him and hugged him tighter than I ever had before. I nuzzled my face into him and let my tears fall freely, again.   
“Hey, darling, why are you crying?” He asked softly, as if he was trying to.preserve the peace.

I didn’t reply, I don’t think he expected me to, I just cried into his chest even more. I felt safe when I was in his embrace. It was strange what Victor and I had, he seemed to understand what I was thinking without me even saying anything.   
“I didn’t even know you were even going to make reservations, it’s okay Victor,” I, eventually, looked up at him and smiled lightly.

“That’s not all I want to apologise for Yuuri, I have something else to say,” Victor revealed.

Slowly, I backed out of his embrace and brushed my fingers through my hair, it was disgustingly greasy. The tightening feeling in my throat had returned and I looked away from him, this time I could sense that he was going to say something bad and I was going to break down. The feeling worsened as the room fell silent. Why wasn’t Victor saying anything? Cautiously, my gaze turned towards him again for a moment and he had his eyebrows furrowed, his damp hair covering his left eye and his finger was positioned under his chin and he looked extremely deep in thought.  
“Victor?” I questioned.

“I shouldn’t have gotten so angry this morning. I understand that you have body image issues and I want to do as much as I can to try and help you. I am such an idiot for walking out; more of an idiot than you think I am. Honestly, I am so sorry. I don’t deserve you, you think you’re weak, you’re the complete opposite. I am the weak one, if I walk out when you’re doubting yourself, what kind of person am I? What kind of fiance am I?” His voice sounded rough and it was heartbreaking to hear him talking about himself in such a negative way. 

I felt like I was turning Victor against himself and it was a painful feeling: watching the person you love most in the world rip them self apart. He wasn’t weak, he was brave and strong and everything anyone could want. I wanted to yell at him but I couldn’t, I could never shout at Victor, especially not in that moment. 

Unexpectedly, I built up the courage to say the first thing that came to my mind.   
“I love you.”

He looked at me with sad eyes and bit his lip. 

“I love you too,” he said in return, a hint of guilt lingered in his voice.

“For a minute there, I thought you were going to say that you were cheating on me,” I chuckled, awkwardly, and played with the collar of my shirt. It was a poor attempt at trying to lighten the mood.

I looked at Victor and he had gone extremely still. I reached out my arm to touch him and he stayed in exactly the same place, he didn’t move a muscle. That scared me. A lot.  
“Victor, are you okay?” I asked.

Gently, I caressed his face and (after a short while) I felt him lean in to my touch. My other hand found its way to Victor’s shoulders and I pulled myself closer to him. It was a wonderful feeling to hold Victor but there was something sorrowful about this and that prevented me from enjoying it fully. I wanted him to say something that would tell me that he was okay. At this point, I didn’t care if it involved me letting go of him because his happiness meant the world to me. However, due to the fact he didn’t tell me to go away, I burrowed my face in his neck and held him tighter.   
“Yuuri?” Victor croaked. 

“Yes,” I responded, my voice weak again as I lifted my head to see a heartbroken Victor peering down at me.

“Let me make love to you. I want to show you how special you are and that you’re gorgeous and that I would never cheat on you,” he whispered.

“I would like that, a lot.” I kissed across Victor’s jaw and he let out a small moan. 

He tilted his head and placed his mouth on mine. Carefully, I wrapped my arms around his neck and forced myself closer to him, my lips were hungry for his; more hungry than they were before. I pushed him onto the bed and climbed on top of him, my mouth never left his as I did so.   
“Feeling brave are we Yuuri?” Victor panted breathlessly after I pulled away. 

I ignored what he said because it reminded me too much of my dream and began kissing him again, more forcefully this time. Something inside of me changed and I felt the sudden urge to dominate Victor. I wanted him at my mercy, moaning my name as I did what I wanted with him. However, Victor didn't like that idea and grabbed my shoulders and flipped us over. He was straddling me now and his clothed member brushed against my own.  
“I said that I wanted to make love to you, not the other way around,” Victor whispered, his voice sending chills down my spine. 

My face turned red as I bit my lip and looked at him.  
“That’s so sexy Yuuri. You biting your lip does things to me, it makes my brain go to naughty places. It makes me want you even more.”

I moaned at the sound of his voice alone. It was intoxicating to hear him whisper such suggestive things to me, it turned me on immensely. I tugged Victor’s head towards my own and placed a kiss on his mouth. It was a sweet and loving kiss, very different compared to the heated state we were in. Quickly, however, the kiss became more aggressive and passionate, my tongue explored Victor’s mouth and his tongue explored mine. Victor’s hips ground against mine repeatedly and I tried to match his movements by thrusting my hips upwards in time with him.   
“I don’t want you, or me, to come like this, let’s get you out of these clothes,” Victor said, his voice coming out in short pants.

Teasingly, Victor bit the collar of my shirt and I felt his lips brush against my neck.   
“Ah, yes Victor,” I groaned.  
His slender fingers creeped up the bottom of my shirt and massaged small circles into my lower stomach.   
“Take it off, please,” I begged.  
“With pleasure,” Victor responded.

Almost instantly, Victor pulled my shirt up and over my head and began kissing down my chest. Forcefully, I gripped his hair and let out an extremely loud moan. Whatever happened, I wouldn’t say anything negative about myself because I really didn’t want Victor to stop, I couldn’t bare it if he walked out again. 

I pushed his jacket off his shoulders and let it fall to the floor. My legs wrapped themselves around Victor’s hips and I pushed his crotch further into mine. He moaned deliciously against my chest and I shivered. Delicately, Victor’s tongue licked over the spots on my stomach and chest that he had bitten too hard. 

He bit his lip and looked up at me, cheeks slightly flushed and lips moist, it was such a gorgeous sight.   
“I want you,” he whispered.  
“You can have me,” I responded breathlessly. 

Slowly, he moved his hands to the top button on his shirt. He unbuttoned the first few buttons and and ran his pale fingers along his chest and neck. Moans slipped from his lips as he teased himself and I couldn't help but let a few moans escape my lips at the sight of him.

After his shirt was completely removed, his hands went straight to the buckle on his jeans, he seemed to go really slow and it was agonising for me to watch and and not touch.  
“Please just take them off!” I groaned loudly.  
“Anything for you darling,” he smirked.

He unbuckled his jeans and pulled them down his slim legs. Seconds later, his lips found mine again and I greedily ran my hands along his broad shoulders, taking my time with admiring him. I tilted my head back to give Victor better access to my neck and his tongue began licking along my jaw and below my ear.   
“Ah, yes Victor,” I panted.

Victor then pulled my pyjama pants off my legs, this left us both in just our boxers. Expertly, his fingers traced up and down my torso, lingering longer in all the right places. He rocked his hips onto mine again, the friction was almost too much.   
“Please,” I begged.   
“Please what, Yuuri? What do you want me to do?” he replied.  
“I want you to take me,” I stated, my confidence wavering for a second.

Victor didn't say anything to that statement and I was terrified that he was going to leave again. However, my fears were put to rest when he hooked his fingers into the waistband of his boxers and started pulling them off.   
“Wait. I want to do that,” I blurted and flushed bright red immediately after.  
However, I aggressively pushed Victor down and crawled on top of him, his eyes widened, shock evident across his features but he stayed silent. I kissed up and down his happy trail until I, eventually, began pulling off his boxers with my teeth. Purposely, I grazed my lips on his abdomen while I tugged at his boxers, trying to tease him.   
“You’re such a tease Yuuri,” Victor chuckled.  
I didn’t want him to laugh, I wanted him to moan. A growl like sound escaped my lips as Victor lifted his hips up to help me with getting his boxers off. 

After his boxers were off, I nipped at his thighs with my teeth and then sat up. God, he was gorgeous. He made me lose all sense of reality, his body, naked, beneath mine crying out to be touched. His cock was red and swollen and, in that moment, I decided he had been teased enough and took him into my mouth. I swirled my tongue around his head and occasionally dipped my tongue into the slit.   
“Fuck, Yuuri, just like that,” Victor cried out loud enough that everyone in the hotel could probably hear him.   
Gently, I kissed down his length and brought my finger up to the tip of his cock and smeared the precum that had gathered there around it. 

I took him back into my mouth and looked at him. He was watching me like I was the sexiest thing he had ever seen.   
“Yuuri. Stop. I want to be inside you,” Victor grunted huskily.

I, reluctantly, removed my mouth from him but made sure that I ran my tongue up his length to tease him slightly more.   
“You little minx,” Victor attempted to chuckle, it was clear that he was aroused.

Slowly, I climbed back onto Victor and pressed my lips to his. The taste of his mouth flooded my senses. However, Victor changed our positions so his body was hovering above mine, our lips were still attached. His hand hooked into the top of my boxers and took them off.

Despite the fact I had been this exposed in front of Victor many times before, I couldn't help but blush as he eyed my body, his eyes filled with admiration. Victor’s hand ran up my leg and along my torso until his two of his fingers parted my lips and automatically, I began sucking on them.   
“So sexy,” Victor whispered, his mouth attached itself back onto my neck. 

I groaned in frustration when he removed his fingers from my mouth and I chased after them with my lips, missing the weight of them on my tongue. Victor noticed this and crawled back on top of me and met my lips with his. My hands gripped his shoulders and my legs found their way around his hips; I was clinging to Victor like he was going to disappear any second because my body was so desperate for his. Temporarily, I thought about the fact I felt like I was his needy, little puppy, always wanting his attention and sticking to his side through everything.

I was swiftly removed from my thoughts when Victor’s smooth, wet fingers travelled slowly down to my ass and gently circled my hole. I moaned as he teased me, a want turned into a need at this point, I needed Victor inside me as soon as possible. His mouth peppered kisses down my neck and he began leaving hickeys, proving I was his.  
“Are you ready baby?” Victor muttered against my throat.  
I gulped and nodded, not being able form any words, anticipation flowed through my veins.

Carefully, Victor eased his finger into me, my back arching in the process. He began to pump his finger in and out of me at an agonisingly slow pace trying to make it as painless as possible for me, I loved him even more when he did that. However, I did wince slightly from the initial pain but with Victor murmuring breathless apologies against my neck, the pain was quickly replaced by pleasure. As I was getting used to the feeling of Victor’s finger inside me, he added a second one and my legs tightened around his hips as I became accustomed to this feeling again. 

I soon became a moaning mess beneath Victor as he continued to move his fingers in and out of me.   
“Ah… Yes Vi-tya,” I moaned.  
When he brushed over my prostate, I moaned out, much louder and more aggressively than I had before. Victor looked at me with concern but when he noticed I had my neck arched into the pillow and I was moving my hips against his fingers begging him to continue, he moved his fingers again. 

Moments later, he removed his fingers from me and he pumped his cock a few times, gathering more precum at the head. He rubbed it down the length to act as a natural lubricant and positioned himself at my entrance. I looked up at him through thick lashes and bit my lip, this was permission for him to have his way with me. 

Even though we had prepared, the stretch was immense and I had to prevent myself from making sounds of disapproval by placing my hand over my mouth and stifling and noises that threatened to escape my lips.   
“Darling, hurting you is not on my to do list, I promise you it'll get better soon,” Victor hummed.  
A small tear ran down my cheek at his words and I tried to hide it from Victor but he noticed.  
“Are you okay Yuuri?” Victor questioned, his hips still thrusting into me slowly.  
“Yes. Oh God yes. I love you so much Vitya,” I panted.  
He sped up the pace of his thrusts and I dug my nails into his back, it was most definitely going to leave marks but in that moment, I couldn't bring myself to care. Our lips collided in a messy kiss and I had never felt more complete in my entire life.   
“Words can't even begin to explain the love I feel for you Yuuri,” Victor breathed.   
I kissed him again, as hard as I possibly could.

I was becoming increasingly closer to climaxing when Victor started to kiss down my chest, his mouth found my nipple and he began sucking on it.   
“Ah, more. More, please,” I begged.  
Victor’s thrusts became less rhythmic and I could tell he was close too even though he wasn't being vocal about it.

“Yuuri, I’m close,” Victor said, his voice coming out in short pants.  
“Me too, so close,” I replied, deliriously.  
I began clenching around him and he let out a beautiful moan, slightly higher in pitch than usual and it seemed to linger in the air after it had escaped his mouth. 

I threw my head back and moved my hips against Victor’s at a faster pace.   
“Vi-ahh, I’m going to come.”  
“Come for me Yuuri. You've been so amazing.” 

Seconds later, a feeling of ecstasy washed over me as I came. White spurting out of my cock and across mine and Victor’s chests. Victor’s thrusts became sloppier and his breathing increased rapidly, a layer of sweat coated us both.  
“Ah, Yuuri,” Victor repeated my name as if it was a prayer as he released. His load filled me up and Victor collapsed against my chest. 

My fingers gently traced patterns into his hips as he caught his breath and came down from his high. He left loving open-mouthed kisses down my neck and jaw, in that moment, I realised that I had never felt more alive.  
“Victor, I adore you,” I smiled.  
Through hooded lids, Victor flashed me a small grin before placing his head back on my chest. 

Slowly, I thread my fingers through his soft hair and I felt Victor sigh in contentment against me. My nails gently scraped at his scalp and he tilted his head slightly into my hands. I then took my hands lower and began massaging his neck and shoulders. Victor’s breathing became heavy again and I knew that this meant he was falling asleep. His sleepy state began to affect me too because I felt myself growing more tired as each second went on. However, I started to think about the fact we had to clean ourselves up and that only made me want to stay in bed more but my rational side won me over.

“Victor, baby, we need to clean up,” I laughed tiredly.  
“We can clean up later. Call me baby again Yuuri, please,” Victor murmured against my chest.  
“Baby, I love you,” I smiled.  
“Love you too, my Yuuri.” 

I realised in that moment that Victor and I would be okay. We would. Wouldn’t we?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually have no idea how to write smut. I am so sorry. I am actually going to hell.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading <3


End file.
